Embracing My Curiosity and Letting It Take the Lead
They say that curiosity killed the cat, but if death is inevitable, why not embrace it and let yourself be more curious?
How do you want to be remembered?
I have asked myself this question a lot more since my father's passing. Now that he is gone, all I’ve been thinking about are the ways that I remember him. I remember his boisterous laugh, and the scent of his cologne, his love for a good cocktail, and his passion for cooking. He was the adventurous one out of my parents, and he loved trying new things and spicing things up. He even convinced me on more than one occasion to really step outside of my comfort zone and to live true to who I was.
Before his demise in 2022, we would often chat about his desire to visit Australia. He wanted to go for his birthday since it would be during their summer (he was a Sagittarius King), and we’d discuss the possibilities. I mentioned to him that I had two friends who lived there, and once we got serious about the planning, I would reach out to them for recommendations. I was excited about such an adventure with him because I knew we would create lasting memories. However, life had other plans, and he never got to see Australia, and we never created those memories.
After his death, I became obsessed with it—death, that is—maybe as a coping mechanism, I don’t know, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that death is something that will eventually come for us all. There is no escaping it, no hiding from it, or bargaining with it. It’s part of the cycle of life. It doesn’t discriminate and comes for the young, old, rich, poor, good, and bad. She’s consistent, and when it’s your time, it’s your time. The more I thought about it, the more I began to accept it because if I can’t escape it, at least I can embrace it and live every day like it truly is my last—because it could be.
As a young girl, my curious mind often took the lead. She asked questions, embraced change, challenged limiting beliefs, voiced her opinion, and explored. My personality was a bit much for some, and my passionate expression was too bold for others. The more I got ridiculed for it, the smaller I became. I eventually locked that side of me away because I was tired of hearing that those qualities weren’t supposed to be possessed by a woman. So I conformed, stuck to the status quo, and imprisoned her in darkness. I missed her deeply.
After going through one of the hardest times in my life and living through a fear that I partially believe I manifested. I unlocked the door to that prison and embraced that beloved version of me with open arms. Being faced with the death of someone dear to me showed me that I have no desire to conform to society's expectations of me or even the expectations that have been placed on me by my loved ones. I no longer want to run from things I don’t understand or judge others based on misinformation. I want to lean into my curious thoughts and take the initiative to research and collect data before completely writing off things I may have once believed to be unconventional.
I want to be remembered as someone who was bold and stood tall even when others didn’t. As someone who embraced life's challenges and refused to allow pessimism to cripple her. Someone who frequently stepped out of their comfort zone to sharpen their skills—but most importantly, I want to be remembered as someone who was authentic to their values and beliefs and did those things she said she would do.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone is an act of rebellion, and I don’t mind being remembered as a rebel.
What this publication is about
Embracing Curiosity is my love letter to my inner child and a haven for those who cherish the art of questioning and exploring the intricacies of life. Life is a tapestry woven with countless threads of experiences, challenges, and wonders, and I want to celebrate the beauty of curiosity in unraveling life's mysteries, from the profound to the mundane. Through thought-provoking essays, personal reflections, and engaging discussions, I’ll delve into the depths of existence, embracing the uncertainty, allowing my curiosity to run free, and marveling at the richness of human existence.
Through this publication, I am allowing myself to ask silly questions, daydream about crazy possibilities, and go out and explore different cultures, thoughts, and religions. For years, I felt that I lived in a very closed-off and small view of the world, but I don’t want to see the world as black and white anymore; I want to see it in full color. I want to open my mind, challenge my perspective, make new friends, converse, and break bread with strangers. I am revisiting the things that I once found intriguing but was too scared to pursue because I was worried about the judgment I’d receive from others. I am asking myself what new things I want to try and new experiences I want to have —while collecting and formulating my thoughts about the experiences and lessons I’ve learned from them.
How to support
This will be a free publication; however, I won't say no if you feel generous and want to buy me a coffee or throw some dollars at me to fund my next exploration. What I would love is for you to engage with me in the comments and share this publication with someone you love or someone you think may benefit from it and could use some encouragement to be more curious.
Thanks for reading 💕
Wonderful writing and I love the idea of having such variety in the publication, I try to do that as well.
1) The flowers in the photo are stunning 2) my condolences on the passing of your father 3) good for you for reclaiming what has always been yours 4) thank you for the read and giving me something to chew on for the remainder of the night.